My daughter recently went on a Girl Scout camping trip. They went rock climbing and hiking and had a weekend full of adventures.
Much to my delight (although less to hers!), cellphones were off-limits for the weekend. It was supposed to help the girls get to know each other better. I’m also sure it was easier on the staff not to worry about girls dropping, breaking, or losing their phones while they were out exploring. On a more practical note, the cell service wasn’t any good where they were camping anyway.
What I didn’t expect was how difficult it would be for me to not be able to reach my daughter instantly.
I’m so glad my daughter has some screen-free weekends
Like most parents I know, I’m concerned about how much time my kids spend on their phones. My daughter is in middle school, and she doesn’t remember a world without smartphones. I’m trying to teach her to have a healthy relationship with technology. It’s not all bad, but I want her to have plenty of offline time as well.
I’ve always been conscious of trying to limit her screen time and that of her older siblings. I tried to find lots of analog activities for them to do when they were younger. I encouraged them to try after-school activities that would hopefully keep them active and entertained. I wanted them to spend time with people in real life instead of mostly online.
But I realize I haven’t been as conscious of whether I myself was too attached to my smartphone at the same time.
I didn’t expect it to bother me that I couldn’t reach her
That weekend, I was everything from mildly annoyed to downright anxious that I couldn’t talk to my daughter during her trip.
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I’d go to text her something funny, and remember she wouldn’t see it until she was home. The staff had ways to reach us in an emergency, but I still worried about whether she made it to the campground from our drop-off site safely.
I catastrophized. I played out all kinds of ridiculous, but still scary, scenarios in my head at night when I tried to sleep.
My reaction caught me completely by surprise. I’m an 80s kid. I’m from the generation that was famously kicked outside to ride bikes with our friends until it got dark. I didn’t grow up able to communicate with my parents at every moment.
When I got in an accident that totaled my car just after college, I waited until our scheduled weekly phone call to mention it to my parents. Now, I can’t imagine my kids not calling me immediately in the same situation.
I like that phones mean I know where everyone is, and that they can call for help right away in an emergency. Some of my kids have their driver’s licenses, and I feel better knowing they can check in when they arrive somewhere.
But when I couldn’t contact my daughter right away, like I was accustomed to doing, it really threw me. I didn’t like it one bit.
I’m trying to make some changes
I think a lot of my problem was that I’ve gotten too used to my phone. Gradually, without realizing it, I’ve checked it more and more. I’m not a prolific poster, but I scroll a lot to see what everyone else is posting. I’ve gotten accustomed to grabbing my phone and texting whatever I’m thinking to whoever I want, immediately. And I’m used to getting a response from them immediately, too.
My phone isn’t all bad. I get pictures of my extended family in our group chats, and text my friend overseas like she still lives here. I read books on it. I have a terrible sense of direction, so I definitely need it for navigating.
But when I’m at the point that one weekend of not texting my daughter makes me worried, that’s a bad sign.
So now, I try to leave my phone in the other room on weekends and spend time offline. I put down my phone and look at people while they’re talking to me. It’s currently summer, so if we’re on a hike or doing something as a family, I try to put my phone away and fully engage with everyone. I also take weekends off from social media.
I’m sure it will be a lifelong challenge to balance the good and bad parts of having a smartphone. I hope I can stay aware of when it’s gaining too much of a foothold in my life, and readjust once again. Or maybe sometimes I just need a long camping trip somewhere with no cell service.
